Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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