eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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