best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
