Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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