I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
