the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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