hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
