your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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