i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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