sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
