im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
