You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
