thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
