I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I haven't been this sober since birth.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I deserve this hangover.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
