She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sobbing to NWA
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
