I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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