so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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