Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
