Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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