I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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