Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
