what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
