Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
