My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
