why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
