I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
