i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
barbara walters just said penis...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i dont even know how to be here
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
