Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
