yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
