The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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