sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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