I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I booty called her while she was in labor.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
