Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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