They should really pass out barf bags in church
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
