he thought i was a dude.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
