Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
