Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
