The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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