is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
