I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
