sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
