im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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