just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
