That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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