We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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