Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
