Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
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