you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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