New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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