we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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