the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
