Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
