I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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