Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
