i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
