my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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